My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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