we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
