You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize