Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
