Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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