yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
