i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
