So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
