it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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