Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
