I can't breathe out the right side of my face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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