I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
