He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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