did you get engaged???
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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