What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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