I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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