I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize