Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
