I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
