He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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