Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
