Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
