I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
