I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
