You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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