I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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