That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
