Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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