That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
