don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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