I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
