Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
