Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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