Michael Bay diarrhea
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize