I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
