I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
