he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
