Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
