Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
