Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize