Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The adults are the big ones right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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