This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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