tell your sister to shave her snatch
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
