My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
