She announced her abortion via fbk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
