Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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