it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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