I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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