I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
