I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
