That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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