Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
