I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
