Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
