I faked an abortion last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
