ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
