yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
