I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
