I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
