He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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