Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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