look no pants
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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