I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize