My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
