Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
