Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
