I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
